I just read an article filled with funny, anecdotal evidence about the craptastic dating scene (for straight women) in San Francisco. Thought you'd be amused as well.
Oh, and my latest man safari update? I'm "dating" two guys, but am pretty sure that I want/need them to be merged into one person. Do I decide which qualities are actually more important to me? Or, just move on? For now I'm having fun with both of them for different reasons and want to get to know them better.
For the next two weeks, it seemed the guy always wanted to sleep over at Valencia's place in Hayes Valley, which she initially didn't think was unusual. But as time passed, she started to suspect that her new love interest was intentionally keeping her out of his home.
It turned out he didn't have one. She was dating a homeless man...
"I continued to see him a couple more times," she says. "Then he dumped me."
Although Valencia has yet to meet anyone else who has been seduced and then dumped by a homeless man, the whole ordeal strikes her as "very San Francisco."
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"I've never seen so much dating down in my life," a woman wrote, referring to how many couples she knows that seem to include a smart, attractive woman and an average, barely tolerable guy.
...had better luck in cities like Paris and Chicago, where she says men are forward about what they want. "They'll buy you drinks and talk to you," she says. "They act like they're interested, and it's so refreshing."
In San Francisco, though, women have to deal with a lot of ambiguity. "We don't even know what it is," Valencia said of some men she has encountered around the city. "Is it gay? Is it straight? Is it a friend? Is it a foe? Is it looking for a job? Is it looking for a place to crash?"
Another contributing factor to the dating doldrums: "There's no pressure to grow up here," she says. "The way I act now is pretty much the same way I acted when I was 24. It's culturally reinforced here. Nobody cares that you're in your late 30s and have roommates."
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...there are 60,045 single heterosexual men and 68,749 single heterosexual women in the age range we examined.
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[the women trying advice from a pick-up artist] "We were on our way out, but you guys look ... interesting," she said. "We just wanted to come say hello and introduce ourselves."
Though a bit weirded out, the guys offered us seats, and even asked if we'd like beers.
That was easy.
The conversation meandered from North Face apparel to Mad Men to the Carolina-Duke basketball game, and finally the men asked us what we were doing that night. We said we were part of, um, a seminar. "We're learning how to pick up men," Walters announced, seizing her opportunity. "How are we doing?"
Looking a little taken aback, the men said we'd done well, and that it was refreshing to have women come to them. But they weren't entirely impressed. "You focused a lot of your attention on him," one said, indicating his friend. "It was a little aggressive." Another awarded us a B-plus.
We left the Tipsy Pig without getting any numbers.
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[at the next bar]...And, finally, there were two men off in the corner. They were hot.
Soul beckoned to Stevenson and Pattee and prepped them on how to approach. They should be casual. Smile a lot. Flip hair if necessary.
They slowly made their way toward the men, stopping every few steps to whisper something about strategy. They didn't want to blow this opportunity. But when the women got within about five feet of the men, they abruptly turned and hustled back to the group.
"Gay," Pattee explained.
"How do you know?" Soul asked.
"We just know," Stevenson said. In fact, the men were practically sitting in each other's laps.
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"He's jammin' the clam," Stevenson joked, using the female version of "cockblock."
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Valencia said her mother has a theory about men. "A good guy is like a good bra," she used to say. "He should uplift and make you look beautiful. He should fit really well. He should flatter you and never poke you in the wrong place or make you uncomfortable."
