I like this piece of advice, from her post, The Best Question:
Anyway, we didn't spend the whole night talking about my silly business issues. Eventually we talked about more frivolous topics - men and dating. We talked about the types of guys we tend to date (over and over) and online dating and recent exes and at some point she shared a piece of advice that a good friend once gave her. If you're wondering whether you should be with a guy, ask yourself this question, "Do you want your sons growing up to be like him?"
WOW!
I'd never heard that before but I gotta say, that's definitely one of the smartest things I've ever heard in regards to relationships. Even as a woman who's not going to have kids, I feel like it just drives to the very heart of why I might not want a man in my life. Because, seriously, if I wouldn't want my (theoretical) sons to grow up and be like someone, then he probably isn't good enough for me.
Now, I just have to remember to live that advice.
Wow is right, Simone. I actually would like to maybe kinda sorta really actually am totally freaked out by the idea waiting for the right partner but actually would like to have a kid. And yeah, my partner better well be a good role model. Moms and dads out there, did you think about this?
Do you have questions like this to help you navigate through your dates? A friend of mine who is having a tough time deciding about whether to keep going with a relationship or not to think about what she would do if she was the guy. I think it was something like, "Would all of this even be in doubt if you were the guy? Would you keep dating, or would you just end it?" She said that if she was the guy, it'd be over. (physical/chemistry issues - surrounded by a mostly otherwise good companionship) And you know what? I think they're still dating. So these big questions - they're good to get you to look at things from a different perspective, but you still actually have to act to make changes.
4 comments:
On one hand, that's an amazing question. It asks what qualities you value in a human being, while leaving the romantic and chemistry issues out of it...not an easy thing to do. I wonder how the answers would vary if "sons" were replaced with "daughters" or simply "kids."
On the other hand, I've met people who take this concept too literally. As in, "I need to be with this guy because our kids will look/be smart/be talented just like him" Kids aren't exactly like (in some cases not at all like) either of their parents. Of course parents have a huge influence, but the kids are still going to become their own individual selves, whoever that is.
On the other hand (my pretend third hand), my parenting expertise is based on occasionally hanging out with other people's kids. So yeah...everyone should take my advice on this kind of thing.
"If you were the guy" is also a great question. Did you come up with that?
Nice thought-provoking post. Thanks!
yep. totally considered it. and so far so good. phew! (apparently I had an incredible stroke of luck or better judgement than was otherwise apparent while we were in college)
Huh, that is a good one. I think I thought of it too as - would my brothers want to hang out with this guy? AKA - I adore my brothers to death and know their good and bad points so would they approve of this guy? If they didn't, in my mind, the dude was gone. I like to think that I picked a guy that is a mixture of what I love best about my brothers. hee. I will never tell Dan that though!
In response...
If I was in a spot to be asking myself "the question," I would definitely replace "sons" with "kids." Doesn't make a difference to me. Not sure that it should, really - I'm looking at it from way more of a values/personality kind of thing than anything else.
And I'm not sure if I came up with the "if you were the guy" question. I don't remember the source, so maybe that was an original. Admittedly, the idea is to answer based on a stereotypical man, but in this case, seemed appropriate.
Post a Comment