Six.

1. I want someone to deliver Straus organic non fat plain yogurt, cottage cheese, bananas, chicken, celery, veggie burgers and Lara Bars to my door. Also, maybe something for dinner. (Yes, there's take out, but I don't actually want to call anyone, or wait for it. I'm looking for magic elves, or my non-existent mind reading boyfriend. Damn it, Edward Cullen, where are you?)

2. Bike ride today, because I  had the day off.

• I am blaming the shittasticness that is my riding speed and endurance on my 200 pound 3x deadlift yesterday and not on the fact that it's been about a month since I've gone on a ride.Yeah, I'm out of biking shape. But, damn, am I proud of that deadlift.
• On the second half of my ride, I encountered a kid who had a nasty wreck on the Sausalito bike path. Was going to call 911, since his head was bleeding, but enough of us assessed that he was okay - knew his name, was talking, pupils looked normal and he remembered his phone number. So I called his mom to pick him up. It looked like one of his pedal arms seemed to have fallen off his bike. OUCH!!! Poor kid. He was fine - bunch of road rash and bruises, but he also had a cut on his head and his helmet was there... but obviously didn't do the job. I see BMX kids riding around with their helmets unclipped all the fucking time. It's stupid. The helmet's not going to do anything if it's not properly secured to your head. I felt like an asshole, myself, because I stuck around for a little while, but then had to leave him with two other bikers because I didn't have lights on my bike and it was getting dark. And I don't want to tempt the irony gods quite that much.

3. In addition to elves, I'd also like a cleaning person. I am very seriously considering this one. Just 2x a month. I can't imagine it'd be that expensive, since my place is so small. It seems sooo bourgeois... but I really always come up with something better to do than wash my floors.

4. Did you know you have to floss the very back of your last tooth? Even though there's no other tooth next to it to trap anything in there, you're still supposed to run floss along it to help reduce plaque (or tartar?). I went to the dentist on Monday and came away with that fun fact. I'm pretty sure I'd gag myself if I actually had my wisdom teeth and had to floss all the way back there.

5. Oh, and hi blog stalkers! I didn't know I had so many silent readers. Hope I make you laugh sometimes.

6. I hope to see this band on Friday. Pomplamoose. Hilarious cover of Beyonce's Single Ladies. FF to around 1:55 for a little artistic license action.

Or, perhaps you're more into Michael Jackson, complete with xylophone? Oh yes.